O.K., somebody want to explain to me the magic of Apple? I bought an iPod Touch the other day, and it's just about as wildly annoying as it's possible for a fairly simple piece of technology to get. And, why, you ask? 'Cause everything about it has to go through Steve Jobs's wallet. Want to download a podcast not covered by the iTunes store? Forget it. Want to watch videos (Charlie Rose interviews, in this particular instance) not recorded in Quicktime? Forget it. Want to do it your way? Are you totally crazy?!?

Now, what was that early Apple ad? Something about, um, some crazy, dictatorial regime...? "1984"?

Please, please, please Microsoft! Release the Zune! Or, Sony! The Walkman X-series! Leapin' lizards, anything would be better than this hunk o' junk.

I can only pity the poor suckers who bought an iPad. Gees.